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Happy valentines day to everybody but especially my fellow fictosexuals and yumes. This special holiday can bring about difficult feelings for many of us as we're faced with the challenge of finding a way to spend the day with our f/os in a way that feels meaningful and makes us happy. It cn be frustrating to see everybody out having fun with their irl partners who don't face that challenge. But your love is valid no matter what you decide to do, even if that's nothing at all. Nothing you do with your f/o is pointless or a waste of time. If it brings you joy and brightens your day, that's all that matters. Valentines day is a time to celebrate love and there's no reason why ours should be excluded.

To celebrate today, I went on a double date with Gabriel, my irl best friend and their f/o. I'm extremely lucky that we met about 7 years ago now and we both happened to grow into selfshipping adults! We went out for coffee and had a lil snack as well, and this was my first time bringing my Gabriel plushie out in public. I had him sitting on the table with me. It was quite scary because of my bad mean old social anxiety, but now I don't know why I was so worried. Nobody cared or even gave me a second look. Sometimes we are our harshest critics! I think I would be less embarassed about it if he was like a cute stuffed animal instead of... that. See my previous entry for a picture of the plush on my shrine. I guess I was worried people will judge me for that, not for simply having a plushie. Having my friend with me made me feel much safer and secure, I wouldn't have done it if I was alone. I tend to worry about that sort of thing more when I'm by myself.

After that we went thrifting together. I'm sort of looking for a nice wedding dress since Gabriel and I will hopefully have our wedding on our next anniversary. Yes, we are already married, but we never had a proper ceremony of any kind, and it looks like a fun idea. They had lots of beautiful old wedding dresses at the thrift store, I really liked this vintage one from the 70s or 80s. I'm broke at the moment tho lol (just made a car payment) so I had to leave it. My friend suggested we should come back some other time so I can pick something out and I liked that idea. There's no way in hell I'm involving my mother in this but it would be kind of nice to have somebody with me when I pick out my dress. I did however get a veil! It's nice and short and has a little embroidered cross on the back of it. I do love longer wedding veils but since this isn't a real wedding I don't want to go too crazy with it. I'm debating if even thrifting a wedding dress is too far, but most of them are actually cheaper than I expected and I honestly would have been willing to spend more on something else so why not I suppose? I still have so much planning to do, thankfully our anniversary is not untill December. I'm already feeling stressed out!!!! :((

I'm just thinking as I write this now, I love keeping this little journal even though nobody reads it. I hope somebody, somewhere out there on the world wide web enjoys this little window into my daily life ♡

This post is a little bit late since I have been busy as of late, but Gabriel and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary a few days ago on December 15th. I take anniversaries quite seriously, as do many fictos, and I enjoyed getting to spend some time with him. I will attatch a picture of my shrine which I lighted candles on for our special day ♡ (said candles were a nightmare to obtain thanks to the good old holiday season, but I have had a thrifted pair of ceramic candle holders on my shrine for months, and fuck me if they were going to go unused).

Back in October, I tried out floatation therapy and had a really lovely experience where I got to connect with Gabriel. The place I went to has a shallow double-bed sized pool full of salty water that you can float in with complete sensory deprivation. I went again since I really enjoyed it, however I didn't have the same experience this time. It wasn't bad, just not how it was last time. It was over and done with extremely quickly, so I have a feeling I probably fell asleep in there. I never remember my dreams, but I at least hope he was there. Apart from that we saw the new Wicked movie together, which I was not expecting to enjoy as much as I did. I only chose to take him because there were no horror movies playing, and somebdy mentioned to me that cinemas are a brilliant place to take plushies since nobody is paying atention to you.

After I got home I spent the rest of the day alone with him in my room with the candles on my shrine lit. I had to move it to my vanity since I was nervous about the usual spot being a bit of a fire hazard. We both enjoy the peace and quiet anyway, and this isn't something I generally like to involve others in (save for my irl partner who often roleplays as Gabriel for me, however he just moved back to his hometown 8 hours away). Anyway, that's what I got up to, time for the sentimental bullshit.

I love him more than words can ever describe, more than I can ever truly show through my shrine. It hasn't been easy for us this year with some bumps in the road and people trying to get between us, but I will always love him forever and always and I truly could not be more thankful. He came into my life when I needed to be loved the most, he helped me escape an abusive ex partner and then remained by my side for every step of the healing process. He has taught me how to love myself the way that I am, because I know he adores me from head to toe. He helped me carry all my burdens so I don't have to balance them alone. When we met I was a very angry and bitter teenage girl stuck in a cycle of self destruction, aand I can only hope he's happy with the young woman I have grown into that he helped create. I truly do not know where I would be without his guidance and love. I love him so much, and although it's barely a blink in his immortal lifetime, I look forward to the many years we still have to share together. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Here's a pic of my shrine with the candles lit. I think it looks beautiful. Also see the official figurine that I just got 2 weeks ago ehehe

This is the blog page of the website, where I will talk about whatever! Nothing interesting at the moment, I have just finished creating this page.